The Family Drift

By Tim Walker

 My wife is the kind of person who always asks big questions—usually at times that blindside me and knock me unconscious. For example, the other day, she asked me, “What’s important for us as a family?”

Not, “What do you want for dinner?” or “Do we have money to buy the boys some shoes?” (It seems like we’re always buying shoes.)

Nope, it was “What’s important for us as a family?”

Now my first reaction was, “What? Are you kidding me?” I mean, I’m an analytical person. I think a lot—sometimes too much. But I have so much stuff I’m already thinking about that I don’t have time for a question like this. It just requires too much effort. In fact, it makes my head hurt a little bit.

But there was something about her question that wasn’t so easy to dismiss. I have a son in middle school, two more in elementary. I’m realizing every day just how quickly time is passing and I’m also realizing that there are some things I want to make sure my boys learn and know before I start losing my audience with them.

I know I have a few years before the oldest moves out, but the reality is that someday he will and it will come much faster than I think. Someday he’ll walk into adulthood. And it’s important for me to prioritize the knowledge and experiences he needs in order to move forward confidently.

That may or may not happen if we keep moving in the direction we currently are. Our schedule is crazy. Our time at home is disjointed with everyone doing his or her own thing. And the reality is that without intentionality, our family will always drift along. Our tendency will always be to drift towards disconnection and randomness. My kids are not always going to just instinctively learn things from me. Sometimes it requires me putting time and energy into helping them learn those things—whether it’s how to read the Bible, make a budget, how to do laundry or how to change a tire. Sometimes it means that I let them face some consequences that I want to save them from.

For example, we were a little reluctant on the whole cell phone thing for my middle schooler. He doesn’t really talk on the phone very much, and he really only needs a phone occasionally. So we bought him one of those pay as you go phones. He has to pay to add minutes or text time to his phone. And the phone company requires that he adds to that balance every couple of months.

One weekend, he was on a retreat with our youth group. I needed to get in touch with him so I sent him a number of text messages. We talked back and forth, and while I was talking with him, I realized that I was using up his precious minutes.

My first instinct was to be generous and maybe swoop in and buy him some more minutes. But then I caught myself. I knew that if I did that, he would expect anytime I talked with him to be reimbursed. And that was not a precedent I wanted to set. So despite my “dad saves the day” intentions, I decided to just let it go and not say a thing. I would have loved to show him generosity, he’s a great kid. But I also knew that part of what makes him great and will continue to make him great is his sense of responsibility.

So what’s most important to your family? Think about it. Take a week and marinate on that. What do you want your child to walk into adulthood with? Beyond a diploma or a scholarship, what does he or she need to know to get to where he or she needs to grow? The reality is that unless it’s on your “to do” list, it won’t happen—and even then, you are going to have to work at making it happen. I know, it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. So how are the decisions, experiences and wisdom you are giving your child preparing him or her for the future?

Imagine the end. You’ll always be a parent. You’ll always be a part of your child’s life. But there will come a time when your “parenting” will end, when he or she will be making their own choices without your guidance or input. What does your child need when they get there? What are the important things you made sure they knew or experienced along the way to arrive at that point?

It may mean that you sacrifice some time on your part. It may mean that you make your child do something that he or she complains about the whole time. But when you are intentional about imagining the end, a few years from now, you’ll feel like you’ve done what you need to do to prepare your child for adulthood. It doesn’t mean you were perfect at it, but it does mean that instead of drifting, you steered your child in the right direction.

© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

We’re all extremely excited to see just what God has in store for our amazing teens this summer (through SummerTour 09 AND new ideas for serving outreaches), as well as this FALL through our new small groups.

Our teen’s hearts are open and excited for new things and we have our largest staff ever! It’s clear that God is preparing some huge things for us in the near future that are going to rock our youth’s world.

Small Groups:

-based on four color groups, red, green, yellow, and blue

-will be split boys & girls, 13-15 & 16-18

-each leader will have a specific group and up to two partners to lead with

-possibility of changing leaders to different groups every 3 months? (discussing this later)

-receive basic outline of a lesson plan for the month, each team’s leaders expand that outline into their own personal teaching

-*there will no longer be acoustic worship on Unplugged nights

-there will be time after small groups to release and have the teens join together for fellowship

-months with FIVE wednesdays, 5th wednesday will be reserved for a SERVE outreach (more details later)

Serving:

-came up with some awesome outreach ideas to get our teens serving

>hospital: coffee outreach to waiting families

>clean up after events around town

>water outreaches at intersections

>free quarters in low meters downtown

>free ice cream/water at events around town in the summer

>nursing home outreach

>lawn care/yard work

-we are currently trying to evolve Summer Tour 09 into not only fun events, but serving events (more info later)

Please be aware of all Summer Tour 09 dates going on and feel free to join if you’d like! When/if there are serving outreaches added to the Tour we will post those as well.

If you have any new/creative outreach ideas please let us know!

Next meeting is schedule for July 22nd @ Matthew and Jen’s house. 

-Linds.

You can always check in here, on the blog, in the upper left corner for the latest update, but to really know what’s going on Matthew and I highly encourage you guys to join Twitter and get our updates on the go!

It’s super easy to join and FREE, so why say no?

If you’d like to know how easy it is, visit this post on the Flipside youth blog. 

Go!

-linds

Cookout Fundraiser
We need 2-3 volunteers to help with setting up the tables and chairs outside during church THIS Sunday, May 31st. We could also use 2-3 volunteers to help the teens with the serving process. (they often get sidetracked and forget to serve a table or two)

Let us know if you can help out this Sunday. Let’s help these teens make some $$$$ for Baton Rouge!

Summer Serve Concert

Friday, June 12th
We need as many volunteers as possible to help with Greeting, Seating, Ticket sales, Sound, and Cleanup.

This concert is going to not only be LOADS of fun + TONS of ear-splitting sound, but a potential night of lives and hearts changing. And what better way to help our teens raise some money for Baton Rouge than to do it in such a fun way? Seriously?

Join us!

GIVE.LOVE.SERVE.

Linds.

Let’s get involved with this as much as possible, even if it is summer break for some of you.

If you think there’s a date you’ll be able to head out and join the teens for some awesome fun, let us know asap!

This tour is not only going to keep our teens together over the summer, but keep them active and doing positive things with their time.

Please contact Lindsey, at 910 617 4848, or email me at LindseyEthatsMe@hotmail.com and let me know if you’re interested in any specific events/dates.

Thanks guys!

You don’t want to miss this!

Schedule of Events:

June 28th (Sun)- Beach Day and Beach Games

         > Following church the teens will head out to the beach for some fun in the sun with water games, frisbees, footballs, baggo, bocci ball, and anything else we can think of! We hope to have ice cold sodas and freezie pops for everyone as well. So grab your shades, a towel, and a couple quarters and join them!

July 10th (Fri)- Photo Scavenger Hunt!

        > THIS Scavenger Hunt is wicked awesome! The teens will be meeting up at the church, splitting up into teams, and heading off in seperate cars to photograph hilarious items around town for points! Most points wins! Bring your Point and Shoot, a couple bucks, and a creative mind!

July 25th (Sat)- Greenfield Lake, Picnic & Paddleboats

       > Head out to the lake around 12pm on this Saturday and bring a blanket and yummy snacks. The teens will be enjoying time together in the park having a picnic and then paddle boating around Greenfield. So much fun, and relaxing too!

August 8th (Sat)- Downtown Day, Boats & Ice Cream

       > On this day you’ll be able to find the teens at 4 pm on the corner of Market and Front, the coolest spot in the down town area! Join them while they grab some amazing treats from Kilwin’s, check out the unique boutiques, and take a cool boat ride down the Cape Fear River!

August 22nd (Sat)- End of Summer Tour, Cook Out & Water Games

        > This is the final stop of Summer Tour. If you can’t make it to any other events, you won’t want to miss this! Join everybody at the church at 4pm for some grilled out delicacies and way too much water to handle! Bring water appropriate clothes, and get ready to use water guns, throw yourself down the Slip ‘n’ Slide, and perform in other Water Olympic activities!

Let’s get these teens 09-10 school years started out right with this final event!!

Thanks!

-Linds

We’ll be talking specifically about God’s definition of ‘Safe Sex’ versus the World’s definition. If you have any thoughts or insight on how to best illustrate this message I’d love to hear them. We’ll also be hosting the worship team from Lifepoint Church so be sure to make them feel welcome!

Come excited about what God wants to do this Wednesday through the message, but more importantly through individuals.

Come ready to impact a life! 

Linds.

¹⁸ Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

-1 corinthians 6:18